Can you imagine the frustration
Of trying to pen a post
And have it erased
Once you've finished all of your thoughts?

I wrote a post about Harry
Potter, of course. It was great.
More precisely, the book was better
But that's often the case
Is it not?

I went with a friend
Whom doesn't read them;
The books, that is,
She waits for the movie.

I told her I couldn't understand
Not wanting to know how things play out.
But she prefers her way,
And I mine.
That's life.

I am starting to wonder
If I fell in love
At the age of fifteen.
I've never really recovered.

I've loved the same guy
For all of these years
And I couldn't imagine
Marrying anyone else.

He's the guy I compare
All the others too.
And often turns out
That they don't stack-up.

He's my best friend.
He makes me laugh.
He grates on my nerves.
Sometimes I want to kill him.

Oh, dear.

And it was enjoyable, indeed. Quite long, though it had to be to fit-in all of the material. Not as good as the third one, movie-wise. I wish they would have stuck with the director from the last one because he seemed to focus more on the emotional journey of the characters. This one seemed like they were really focused on trying to get all of the stuff that happens in (and it's a LOT), and they lost the smaller, character moments. And there was even a good amount of stuff left out. Anywho, it was still cool to see all the things I'd been picturing in my head come to life on screen.

I went with a friend that's never read any of the books! Wha?? As enjoyable as the movies have been, the books are still a Ka-Jillion times better than any movie could be. My argument was if she enjoys the movies and the characters so much, how can she not want to know the story in the author's own voice? To understand the little nuances of things and the small details of the world she created? I am an avid reader in general, so someone preferring to "wait for the movie" just doesn't compute with me. I'm like, "But what happens to these characters is out there, in a book, right now...you could KNOW." She's over it. Oh well, can't win 'em all.


On a different note, I had a completely enjoyable Sunday. I got a massage and went on a hike and memorized a sonnet and had dinner with a friend and spread-out like a fruit roll-up on the couch to watch innocuous television. Good times.

SONNET FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THE DAY

Why didst thou promise such a beauteous day
And make me travel forth without my cloak,
To let base clouds o'ertake me in my way
Hiding thy bravery in their rotten smoke?
Tis not enough that through the cloud thou break
To dry the rain on my storm-beaten face;
For no man well of such a salve can speak
That heals the wound, but cures not the disgrace.
Nor can thy shame give physic to my grief;
Though thou repent, yet I still have the loss.
The offender's sorrow lends but weak relief
To him that bears the strong offence's cross.
Ah! but those tears are pearl which thy love
sheds'
And they are rich, and ransom all ill deeds.

Ahhhhh....love. I love love love this film. So beautifully done and subtly performed; really my favorite of the year. I saw in the first time on Friday with some friends that didn't like it because they were enamored with the Colin Firth version and couldn't see past that. And then I saw it again on Sunday (which is how you know I like it, to sit through it twice in one weekend), and the friend I saw it with that night enjoyed it immensely, despite knowing and loving the Colin Firth version. I haven't seen the other version, so I have no basis of comparison, I just know that I loved this film. I tried to place my finger on what exactly I liked about it while watching it a second time, and came to this conclusion; it made me feel like the first time I understood one of Shakespeare's sonnets completely. The depth of that kind of love and the poetry in it's description; it all makes you want to live a little more gracefully and with more gentle purpose. It makes me feel like sitting on a hill under a tree in a light rain while reading a book and sighing into the wind. Ahh, flights of fancy.

But, I really must recommend seeing this film. The performances are subtle and captivating and must surely be recognized this award season. Donald Sutherland as the father was so endearing and such a reminder of my relationship with my dad that it brought a sweet lump to my throat.

Other than that, I have lost my voice. ME. The supreme talker. How absurd. I got a little sick and then blew my voice out at work and now I sound like a raspy jazz singer. I am doing my best to not speak at all today. Tough one, that.


LOVELY P AND P MOMENT OF THE DAY

They dislike each other instantly, right? Everyone knows the story. Well, one of the first signs that they are affecting one another is when Lizzy goes to get into a carriage and finds that a hand is helping her up, and it is Darcy's. The physical contact shakes her, and while he is walking away, he flexes the hand that touched hers, as if electricity had shot through it. I love that crap!

"It's raining, it's pouring; the old man is snoring. He bumped his head and went to bed and didn't get up in the morning." Wha? What kind of poem is that? Were his kids trying to kill him? What does a guy getting a concussion have to do with the rain. Isn't it funny the rhymes and songs we repeat when we're children that we really don't understand?

So, I was at work last night on my night off, hanging with some friends, and one my bosses comes up to me and asks if I want to work that night. I was like "Are you kidding...look how adorable I look right now." But he wasn't kidding and they really needed help, so I went home and changed and came back to work for about two hours. While I am bummed I am not having a night off this week until Sunday, it worked out better that instead of spending money going out, I made some money and was still off in time to have a drink with my friends at the end of the night. And that's life.


AUNT MEGHAN'S TOP-CONTENDER BABY NAMES FOR FUTURE NEPHEW

Logan Douglas Ayola Carver Douglas Ayola
Avedon Douglas Ayola Moriarty Marshall Ayola (joke)
Marshall Douglas Ayola

Allrighty kids, I'm back. So Sorry for the long time away, and I am certain I have lost most of your readership by now, but I just took a little "intellectual breather". I honestly had too much to say about everything going on in my life and in the world, and I didn't know where to begin every time I wanted to come back. But, here I am. Voila.

Not much has changed since we last spoke, but I'll update you on the finer points.


My ridiculously adorable niece has turned THREE!! Can you believe it? She's huge. If you click on the link to my bro-in-law's blog, you can see her three-year portrait. She defines the word precocious and she's a very smart girl. I love her to pieces.

My sister has become a baby-house, once again! She will be having a bouncing baby BOY in the springtime. I am so excited, I could spit. I was the first one to know that she had gotten preggo after she found out because I was at her house when she took the test. I knew they had been trying and all, and I was sitting on her couch watching TV when she comes out of the bathroom and shows me this white stick. It took me a moment to figure out what it was and what it meant, but when I did, I jumped around the room shouting "Woo-Hoo!!". I knew the moment she told me that it was going to be a boy; I just knew. They weren't so sure. They found out a week ago that I was right. Always listen to the Aunt.

Still slingin' liquor in my current gig on the Sunset strip, clinging on for dear life. I work for some people that like to scare people into selling better by holding their jobs above their heads. Never mind the fact that it's the slow season and the economy isn't what it should be; sales are down, it must be the fault of the bartenders. Couldn't be that less people are coming through the door. Whatever. Business is business, I guess. We have monthly meetings because our owner likes to think he's some kind of CEO. He has us show up to a hotel meeting room on the first Saturday of every month to tell us how wonderful a businessman he is and how we should never dare to steal from him and don't be so silly as to want the holiday's off because we're a business like any other and in any other field they couldn't request off for the holidays. Ummm...wait, isn't every other business (for the most part) closed on the holidays?? Don't play that card, just tell us we can't have off. We're young; we're not children.

Nobody special in my life at the moment. I had a brief and very amusing affair with a man I NEVER thought I would date. I mean, this guy was so far on the opposite spectrum of the guys I am usually attracted to and yet, there you go. Motorcycle, tattoos, never-shaves, party's hard...good times. Like I said, brief and ill-fated, but amusing. Got it out of my system.

Hmm...I think that's about enough for me to talk about for this first foray back. I'll have more to say about the current political climate and such when I write again.

I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND OF THE DAY

I get that guys are all about the football. But do you really have to watch EVERY NFL game and EVERY college game on Saturday and Sunday? I mean, really? All of them? End of the day, it's just a game. Do you really need to uber-analyze every aspect of the players and their records and the yards they ran and who's going to be good and whom used to be good and blah blah blah? My roommate is a football-freak and tends to try and claim the TV on the weekends for whatever game is on ALL day. NO!! No more. How long until the Super Bowl?

I had lunch with an old friend from high school about a week ago, a guy that I guess could best be termed as my Crush. Everyone has one (or two), that boy or girl that filled your adolescent thoughts in and out of class with dreams of never-ending infatuation and idealistic love. The kind of "love" that remains untouchable and un-realistic in the long-run, for though they are usually nice people and worthy of your admiration, they have no real interest in you beyond friendship, despite, perhaps, a moment or two that might have given you hope to the contrary. I hadn't talked to or seen him in about nine years, so it was a real trip to get together and catch-up. We had a lovely meal, exchanging stories. He told me about his lovely new wife and his plans for the future; I told him about my days in college and the career that I am attempting to make my way in, these days. I guess I just kind of wanted to see what nine years had done to him, and frankly, I was shocked that he had responded to my first email at all, let alone wanted to get lunch. Anywho, it went well, and at the end, he said something odd and delightful. He said, "Just before we go, I wanted to say sorry for being such a dick to you in high school." I was taken-aback by this statement, because truly, I wasn't harboring any feelings of resentment towards this guy all these years. But apparently he was carrying some latent guilt and felt the need to get it off of his chest. I told him that no apology was necessary, but that I appreciated his words and his maturity for having the desire to say them.

A day or so went by, with his statement running in my head, and I finally came to realize that yeah, I kind of DID want to hear that. That what he said was one of those little Self-Esteem Validation moments that the little girl inside of me had been waiting to experience; something that I didn't even realize I was holding on to, but was relieved to let go of. It shouldn't have mattered, it being so long ago, but I guess there is still a little bit of starry-eyed youth inside of me. This was my "moment at the prom where the jock leaves his gorgeous girlfriend in the middle of the dance floor to come to me and take my hand and tell me that he really likes me, and not her, and would I like to dance with all eyes on us".

I'm a bit embarrassed to know that Chris will probably read all of this, in that he enjoys my blog, but no sense in masking the truth. I wish him all of the best in his new marriage and move to foreign lands. =) It takes a real man to own up to his past and address his mistakes and regrets. She's a lucky girl.



MY SONG FOR CARL ROVE OF THE DAY

"Sha na na na, sha na na na, hey hey hey...GOOD-BYE!!!"

I live in a crazy, crazy town. Yesterday, I saw a man dressed in full "Elvis" garb (Vegas Elvis, mutton-chops and all) walking down the street with some moving boxes as if nothing was out of the ordinary about the situation. Fantastic. And sometimes, at two in the morning when we are shuffling everyone out of my bar, a man measuring no taller than 5'1" or so, wearing a full grey tuxedo with top hat and tails, comes strolling through the establishment with a huge, white dog that is just about the same size as he. I've seen him twice now, so I know he's not a fluke. And I made sure to check that he was really there with someone else, so as to assure myself that I hadn't lost my marbles. We have no idea whom he is, but he just kind of walks through and doesn't talk to anyone, then walks back out again. I'M perplexed by him; I couldn't even imagine what's going through the heads of our inebriated patrons. Whew; I love LA.

Update on the online-lovin'-

it's going all right so far, I guess. I have talked to a few guys on the phone, am still writing to some others; I have yet to meet up with anyone yet. There are definately some interesting people out there, though. Very interesting. Part of me is distrustful of the whole experience becuse I'm thinking "Jeez, who could be on this site?" But then I remind myself, "Uhh, doi, YOU'RE on this site, remember? You're not here because you're a freak of nature and are un-dateable...you're here because you live in a town where it's very hard to meet sincere people, and the whole 'bar scene' just isn't appealing. There's gotta be some other normal people in the same situation out there; you just have to find them." So, we're still mushing along...I'll let you know how things progress.


HEARTFELT CONDOLENCES OF THE DAY

I'm not ready to talk about the political ramifications quite yet, but until then, I would like to send my heartfelt condolences to the families and friends of those that lost their lives yesterday morning in London. We're living in a mad, mad time.

I have recently signed-up for an online dating service. Wow, that's really embarrassing to admit, but there you go. I have reached a point in my dating mentality that I just can't see going through the silliness that I've been through in the past, and I am trying to find a way to change that. I haven't really dated anybody for about six months, and while being alone kind of sucks, I am finding that I rather be alone than be with someone that I'm not crazy about. I've never done the "online" thing before, but I figure that there has to be something better than the whole meet-in-a-bar scenario. First off, I work in a bar, so the sheen is kind of off that apple. As interesting as I think a guy might be, in the back of my head I'm thinking "Wow, is this all a line, like the hundreds of lines I hear thrown out by guys every night at work?" Gee, that's pretty cynical of me, but perhaps a little cynicism is what I've been lacking in my past relationships. I tend to "fall" too hard, and then look back and realize that I hadn't really fallen at all, but had told myself I had because of a need to feel a part of something.

I guess I am just making some major changes in my life, becoming a better me, and while that is all in process, the "dating" me is out of commission for a while. Bummer.


READER POLL OF THE DAY

Does anybody know of anyone that the whole "dating service" thing has actually worked for?

That is the question these days, isn't it? How to bring our brave soldiers home? I wish I had perfect answers for you on that. The reality is that the region is significantly more unstable now than when we went in, and to leave the situation would just allow some other fundamentalist regime to take hold and wage more terror on the US. You think the Saudis hate us (and they do), imagine a post war Iraqi people that have watched hundreds of thousands of their people die; their homes destroyed and their cities demolished. Imagine if, say, Germany had won the war, had become the super-power, and had just recently rolled into America to "liberate" us from the crushing influence of democracy. Say they killed half of our people, demolished Boston, New York, LA, Chicago, etc., and were still hanging around to battle the small bands of our resistance forces. Then, say, they left. Imagine the thoughts of revenge and demand for justice that would be called in the streets. The same will happen in Iraq. The sad fact is, we've made our mistake, and now we have to live with the results of what we've done. We're going to have to set-up bases there, and be a presence there for a long time to come. Believe me, I wish that weren't the case, but this entire war was botched from start to finish, and to pull-out now would be a mistake, I want nothing more than for our brave men and women to come home. I want them to be safe and return home safe; and I'd like them to return home to families that aren't living on food-stamps.

The bigger issue for me here is; When will this administration finally be held accountable for the lies perpetrated to get us into war? When will it occur to the American people that Clinton was impeached for lying about sexual relations, and Bush has yet to be held accountable for lying and costing the lives of thousands of American soldiers, not to mention the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi people? Clinton lied about getting a BJ. Bush lied to get us into war!!! Impeach President Bush; that's what I am calling for. Make him accountable for the lives that have been lost. This is your president; he represents your to the rest of the world, and the rest of the world thinks he's Satan incarnate. Doesn't that bother you? That our leader is viewed as a modern day Hitler? And worse than Hitler, for Hitler was just crazy, but Bush is in this for the money. That's beyond sick, it's cruel.

I would think that Republicans would have the biggest objection to this man representing their political views. In twenty years, I think he'll be viewed as on of the worst leaders in history. The economy has suffered horribly, unemployment is at an all-time high, we're close to a recession, we're reviled by much of the world, and we're in a war we can't get out of. We're being lied to day after day, and the majority of Americans are falling for it because A; it's easier, and B; their religious fears are blinding them to the truth. To let a man stay in office on the main point that he will vote their way on issues of homosexuality, is sad and scary. But that's a whole other issue.

DO THIS OF THE DAY

I tend bar to pay the rent, and every time a service man or woman hands me their military ID when I ask for age verification, I buy that person a drink. It's the least I can do for someone that willingly puts themselves on the line for our country.