SAPPY MUCH?

So I have looked back over some old entries and have come to the conclusion that I'm just a big chees-ball. (I realize that I just made a spelling mistake in the "chees-ball" part of the previous sentence, but as I read back over it, it kind of makes me think that I might just be writing "cheese-ball" in a French accent. Go ahead, try it. You'll realize it sounds much better that way, as I did.) All I do on this thing is yammer on about my comical love life and gush over my adorable niece ( and she is adorable, mind you ), and frankly, if I were you, I'd be sick of it by now! Well, you have my solemn vow that I will now attempt to shift the topics to a more philosophical and/or political nature. At least until this frightening election is over. Or maybe until March.

Tonight's Topic:

I think professional athletes should only get paid the big bucks as they win each game. Think how much more interesting sports would be if only the winners we're bringing home a paycheck? Talk about dedicated to their training. Though I suppose it might put a rise to inter-player and inter-team sabotage, but that can be combated. And if it can't, that's also kinda interesting, too.

D'OH OF THE DAY

Dude, I JUST realized that I have a bleepin' spell check on this bleepin' blog-poster. Dag-nabbit!

RUBBA DUB DUB

This is a new picture of my Lily-pad. She's pretty cute.

SHE WALKS...BEWARE

My adorable Lily girl has finally moved from being a quadraped to a biped, and I couldn't be more amused by it. There is absolutely no difference between the way a baby walks and the way a drunk person walks. Freakin' hilarious. She is so proud of her new ability that she doesn't make it more than four or five steps before laughing like a fool and falling to the ground. She has also taken to putting a shirt over her face and attempting to walk around that way until she bumps into something and falls to the ground. Drunk/ baby, drunk/ baby. If there is a more precious girl in all the world, I have no desire to know of her existence, for I shall have to rub her out...and nobody wants that.

GREAT GOLDEN GLOBE SPEECH OF THE DAY

Dude, Bill Murray's acceptance of his well deserved award was so on point and so classic. He's my hero. "I'd like to thank people from the studio, but so many people are trying to take credit for ths movie, I wouldn't know where to start." (Best Actor- Lost in Translation)

POT CALLING KETTLE BLACK

My sister has just informed me that I have numerous spelling mistakes in my postings, and that boasting of a higher education is unwarranted. This coming from the lady that didn't know what the earth was made of, and is now passing-on her superior knowledge to our youngsters. Tee-hee.

"BETTER WIN THE OSCAR" OF THE DAY

Dude, if "The Return of the King" doesn't win best picture, I promise you now, I will throw a fit.

STUPIDLY FUNNY

My best friend, Tim, is the sweetest guy I have ever known. And by sweet, I mean, angelic, kind, thoughtful, sensitive, and amusing...all together; sweet. It wouldn't even occur to him to be deliberately unkind to someone, not for any reason, and that, in this day and age, is sadly scarce in the human being sense. he's my first love, and the guy I'll never lose, no matter the paths our hearts may take in different directions. Every man I will ever meet and maybe fall for will be measured against this guy, because now that I know that there is one of him out there, my logic tells me there has to be another. And therefore, I just couldn't settle for anything less than the kind of joy I feel when I'm around him. I'm not in love with Tim, but I'll love Tim for the rest of my life.
Anywho, the reason I brought him up is because a recent anticdote we created is the perfect example of the ridiculous sense of humour the two of us share. Now, as a basis, we're talking two well educated young adults here. Two college graduates (him in MATHMATICS, myself in theatre...MATH people...his entire major was math!) both of an age where a more sophisticated humor should start coming into play. It does, for me, but for some reason, not around Tim.
So we went to dinner while he waited for his girlfriend to finish work, and had ourselves a nice chat and laugh over some salads and TGI Friday's. The wait to get a table was a half hour, so we walked around and talked and sat in the lobby and chatted and while we were waiting, I saw inside the restaurant that someone was being humiliated by "The Birthday Song" serenade at their table, and it hit me right then that I hadn't played a public joke on my best friend in a couple of months, and he was overdue. So while we were waiting for our food, I "went to the bathroom" and then told the hostess that it was my friends birthday, and I wanted them to sing the song...and to make sure they embarassed my friend. It is, of course, NOT Tim's birthday.
Now this bears some sort of twisted irony, because I used to work for Friday's, and I absoutely refused to sing the damn birthday song because I felt humiliated singing and clapping for some middle-aged dad that SO didn't want to be sung to.
But I digress. I waited patiently through the entire meal, made interesting smalltalk, and mentally twidlled my thumbs for the end to come. When the herd of servers finally descended with their balloons and free cookie thing, the look of first confusion, then realization, then hysterical laughter that went across Tim's face...classic. Whew. Still makes me laugh. I knew he'd think it was hilarious and commend me for thinking of it first, and he did. We'd do anything to make the other one laugh, and to stakes are getting higher.
The King's to me, Edmond.

LONG-OVERWAITED ANOUNCEMENT OF THE DAY

I finally found a freakin' place to live. Huzzah!

A GOOD DAY

I've oft heard the sentiment "One day at a time...", but up until yesterday, never really understood the importance of it. To me, it means, live for today, not for what might be in the future. One of my favorite concepts in philosophy is that of a priori knowledge...the idea that yes, at this moment, right now, 2 and 2 equal four, and the keys that I am striking are solid, and the room in which I sit is square, but I have no way of knowing that all of these "truths" will be so in the next moment of my life. They are truths only because up until this exact moment, they have continued to be so. But no one can say for certain that they will be tomorrow, because no one knows the future. We can only know and learn from the past, but the here after, tomorrow, the next day...completely unknown to us. And that is the concept that most excites me. Because it means nothing is set, nothing is certain, and nothing is decided...tomorrow can be whatever I make it, and that power falls under no one's jurisdiction but my own. All I can really know is the days I've lived, and I can either enjoy them or despair over them, but as far as tomorrow...well, I just can't say. I just don't know. I can't plan anything definite, and I can't worry over things that might never happen. It's rather illogical, really, to worry and stress and fret over days that haven't even dawned yet. My only power is in absorbing the days I've lived and applying that absorbed experience in to each coming one.
What brought this revelation on? Wednesday was a good day. A very good day. And that's enough, for now.


SONG LYRIC OF THE DAY

Woo-hoo...when I feel heavy metal...woo-hoo...and I'm pins and I'm needles...woo-hoo...well I lie and I'm easy, all of the time but I'm never sure why I need you. Pleased to meet you! ber-ner-ner-nernernerner. Yeah Yeah!

-Blur

CLEAN AND SOBER

So, I have been sober for two and a half months now. Not that it was a big thing that I was drinking before, but to not drink in my circle of friends, is. Nobody gives me crap about it, it's just definately a different world to watch everyone else get trashed while I sip my fourth diet coke. I don't know why I decided to stop drinking, but it just seemed like a smart thing to do at the moment. A: can't afford it, B:tend to make stupid decisions while doing so, C: it's real easy to lose focus when your mind is sloshy. I guess those are my reasons. I don't know when I'll walk the vodka path again...if I ever will. It is ridiculously amusing to watch everyone else revert to toddler mentality. I also like being the one to recall everything that happened the night before so that I can lord the knowledge of their exploits the next day. "What happened, Meghan? No seriously, what did I say? No really, tell me. Seriously, Meghan, tell me what I said." Good times.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Love brings the high and concealed characteristics of the lover into the light-what is rare and exceptional in him: to that extent it easily decieves regarding his normality.

-Nietzsche

NEW YEAR, NEW RULES

So here are the new rules for Meghan's life. Well, not NEW rules, so much as old rules that I am finally going to allow myself to set in place.
1. I am going to spend as much time as possible loving and enjoying my family. I grew up feeling like an only child, and in that sense , I sometimes feel like I am alone to face my fears and worries. But I catch myself in the middle of the trip to my pity party and remind myself that I am most certainly not alone, and that even more suprising, I never really was. I have an amazing big sister that laughs with me and understands my follies and never judges. I have supportive and loving parents, a gloriously stuffy grandpa, a soft and sweet (yet deceptively cunning) grandma, a funny looking (smelling, sounding) brother-in-law, an angelic best friend, and a niece that, when she looks at me, I can see the world reflected in her sparkly blue eyes. Not alone, not even a little bit.
2. I deserve to be loved. I mean in a romantic sense. I have made the mistake in my past "relationships" of believing that the men that I became involved with were somehow doing me a favor by spending time with me. As if, somehow, it was a step down for them to want to be with me. I have been amazed and intimidated by the handsome guys that have flirted with and chased me and there was always some part of me that questioned the chasing, as if I wasn't good enough for them, and if I tread lightly enough, they wouldn't realize that. So in application, I have been meek in relationships, the complete opposite of my natural personality. I have held my tongue when I had an opinion, I have sat by the phone, stressing when it didn't ring, and I have put my life on hold or altered my plans to better suit the guys I have fancied. Well, no more. No more despairing every time I place too much importance on one person and that person doesn't live up the importance. No more examinations of everything I could have done different to make things work better, because, in reality, it probably had nothing to do with what I could have done. I mean, I am not perfect, not in the least, but neither are they, and as of today, I am going to stop believing they are. They are just flesh and blood, with their own set of neurosis, and I am not responsible for straightening them out. My first instinct in a relationship is to nurture and take care of them, making it my business to know what they want before they do. Again, no more. I deserve someone that wants to take care of me, for a change...better yet, someone that will be happiest when we are able to take care of each other. I deserve to be loved, by a man that will appreciate my beauty and intelligence and that won't be intimidated by my maturity and my wit. In truth, I am sniffling a bit as a write this from an unexpected rush of emotion. I don't think I have ever declared that I thought I was beautiful before, and that made me sad and happy. Sad that I have gone all this time without allowing any kind of pride in myself to extend to what I was always told by my peers was sub-standard. Every time a man has told me that he thinks me beautiful, I have blushed and thanked him, but never really believed him. And happy, because now I can finally take back some of the power in the courtship process. As attracted to them as I am, they are equally to me, and that puts me in a whole new bracket: Truly Confident Girl, formerly known as False Bravado but Secretly Still Internally Scared that Someone Will Point and Laugh and Call Me Fat Girl. I won't walk around cursing the kids that tormented me when I was a chubby little girl, and I won't hear their voices in my head when I look in the mirror, telling me that I am not good enough. Instead I will hear, "You're a beautiful girl, Meghan Catherine Marshall. Fat, thin, tall, short, old, young...you'll always be a beautiful girl." I am beautiful for myself, not for them. Not anymore.
3. I will live up to the dreams I have for myself. I believe it. I know I can get there, and I will. I look at my life as if I were looking back at it from fifty years in the future and I see all of the movie premiers and the in-depth interviews and the stage-runs and the awards and as dream-like as they may all seem, they are my reality. It's the life I was destined to live. No more sitting around waiting for my destiny to catch up with me like it was lying in wait around the next corner to spring on me as I strolled by. Onward and upward, of my own doing, by my own hand. I'll get there...just you wait.

Let me wrap this all up by thanking you for sticking with me through that whole diatribe. If you cared enough to read the whole thing, you are obviously someone that knows me enough that you already know these things about me. Good for you. And I love you for knowing them, and for not forcing me to see them; I had to get there myself.

FUTURE QUOTE TO BE SPOKEN TO THE FUTURE LOVE OF MY LIFE

" I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?"

Bill Shakespeare